Krista Hannesen

Let the Maybe Go

There’s been an unofficial dating rule making the rounds for the last while. One that makes the dating game even more confusing than it was before (if that’s possible). The rule that I’m talking about is… “you can’t say out loud what you want from a relationship”. A friend told me their rule is that even if you’ve been dating for years, you’re not allowed to ask where your relationship is going, or if you’re exclusive, or even if you can call each other boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/ whatever-title-you-use. You have to “go with the flow”, so as not to put pressure or expectations on the other person.

I feel like today in dating you have to just guess what the person you’re seeing wants and hope that it’s the same as you.

I’ve heard dating coaches say that you can’t make the other person feel bad by asking them if they want to be committed to you. I’ve also heard them say that it’s unfair to pressure someone who shouldn’t have to make a decision on whether they want a relationship or not.

I get it. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. No problem! The problem I have is with honesty. If you’re looking for something causal, be honest. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, be honest. I really think the game playing has gone too far! It's at a point where we should really be honest with each other, or why bother?

In fact, if I could create a new dating rule for 2022, I’d say we should all be upfront about our dating intentions.

Screw this whole timid and coy thing when it comes to saying what we want.

I think dishonesty has led to so much pain. I’ve seen so many people go into relationships where one wants a serious boyfriend/girlfriend and the other wants a friends-with-benefits type of arrangement. Both are fine, but when two people come together and want completely opposite things, what can it lead to but heartache?

And if you are the type who is looking for something serious, the best thing you can possibly do is be upfront about what you’re looking for, and early on in the dating stage. And if the other person is not as upfront, skirts around their feelings, or tells you something along the lines of “we’ll go with the flow and see where life takes us”, let them go.

It will hurt. Especially if you really like them. You may feel like you can change their mind. When you’re really into someone, and they kinda let you think they do want a relationship, but don’t really come out and say it outright, you tend think that they’ll come around. Or that they just don’t want to be too forward, or any other excuse so that you don’t have to let them go.

It’s so hard when you hope to build something with someone and they’re just looking for some fun, or nothing at all.

But honestly, you’re better off to invest your time in someone who wants the same thing you do, instead of trying to change someone who doesn’t.

And when you both want the same thing; you’ll be able to spend your time building your life together instead of spending your time convincing someone to be with you.

You’re amazing and you deserve someone who is all in!

So, let’s make honesty our best policy in dating this year. And let’s let go of the people who aren’t meant to be part of our journey.

By letting the maybe go, you’re freeing yourself to the opportunity of meeting your definitely.

And you don’t want to miss out on that.