The Ugly Side of Self-Care

It has become common to see and easy to find a plethora of social media clips, photos and posts of people boasting their self care routine. Endless selfies of people walking in the woods, before or after massage, men and women in contorted yogic poses, or drinking their green smoothing, showing off their act of “self care”.

Self- care seems to be all the rage of society’s newest trend with no shortage of people or businesses willing to capitalize this wave.

As per Google “The self-care industry is a rapidly growing consumer trend, with a market value of $13 billion in 2020.1 It encompasses various products and practices that promote well-being, such as nutrition and cooking, talk therapy, meditation, sleep quality assessment, and athleisure. The industry is heavily influenced by tech, with consumers shifting their focus away from the actual self and towards data about the self…..”

Don’t get me wrong, it is a refreshing and much needed change from the self- deprecation, but what needs to be explored is the driving force behind self-care. It seems that at the core of “ self care” something seems to be missing, something fundamental that has been overlooked, pushed aside, or worse yet, preyed upon.

At the core, most people think that something is wrong with them, that they are fundamentally flawed or need to be fixed. Most people treat themselves like a DYI project, skipping from one “self help/care” routine thinking “ this must be the thing that will help me not experience……” (fill in the gap for yourself) . Yes, there is room for growth. Yes, there is always something new to learn about yourself. Yes, it is wonderful that there are so many professionals supporting people on their health journey. Your health and wellness is a journey, and all those sessions/ treatments are there to support you, not be used as a tool against you.

I often ask my clients, why are you here? Why do you book sessions for yourself? If their answer is anything but “ because I love myself” that tells me clearly what they think they really think of themself - everything from I need to do better, I need to be better, I don’t love and accept myself just as I am. I need to change. I do not like myself. Some companies and some practitioners prey on this. Taking what is most tender, most vulnerable and exploiting it for gain. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Tending to oneself in a personal act of love. Self care is not something that one does, but rather, is a sacred place from which one lives their life. Self care is a ritual requiring no viewers, does not virtue signal or need outside validation. Self care is putting yourself first, from this space you and your life have a potential of thriving.

The act of self care, is exactly that- an action that is natural when in service to Self. The “ thing” is not important, it comes in many forms, whether it be a bath, or massage, or energy session, or walk , or sitting on the sofa, or rest, or play or making dinner, or ordering pizza is all an outward expression of loving yourself fully, with no pretense, with no importance, with no need to prove, justify or show. You simply live your life as an expression of loving yourself. Self care is something that happens naturally as a result of this.

Self care lacks neediness. There is no need to prove that you are taking care of yourself, you just do.

I like to equate self care with being in service to Self. When people put themselves first ( being in service to Self not self serving) are responsible for themselves fully in all ways, love and accept themselves their life often takes on a new dimension.

Self care is often the most tender work of feeling exactly what you are feeling. Not running away, not numbing or avoiding or justifying your experience, emotions, feelings rather leaning into it, facing yourself with gentleness and compassion and feeling fully. This is self care. Caring for yourself exactly as you are now. Sessions, treatments, coaches and practitioners are there to support you.

Loving yourself, putting myself first I take practical action to help myself, self care is a natural expression of that. 


“If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.” Jiddu Krishamurti

Monika Marczuck

It was in my early 20s when I understood that I was the one common denominator in my life. I understood that looking outward for things, people, situations to fulfill the void was not the solution. I understand what it feels like when life seems to be falling apart, I jumped head first into self exploration, healing and study knowing deep down that going inward was the only way. I have been practicing Natural Healing Therapies for 18 years. I am committed to helping those on their personal exploration and healing journey. With eighteen years of experience, I have the knowledge and tools to guide my clients through their inner journey of learning and understanding. Also, I understand that the only way to true recovery is to go inward, and am passionate about supporting my clients every step of the way. It is my pleasure to be in service, I look forward to our work together; whether it be from the comfort of your home (World Wide) via Zoom conferencing sessions or in person at my clinic. 
www.mmarczuk.com monikamarczuk@gmail.com