Being Single is Not a Waiting Space – Embody Self Love InsteadPart 2

How to Practice Self-Love Sometimes it’s hard to assertively think about your own needs. While it might be considerate to sporadically practice self-love, it's important to make it a daily practice. Here’s how to incorporate self-love into your lifestyle.

1. Prioritize Your Well-Being and Mental Health  Your physical and mental health are correlated and the way you feel physically can influence how you feel mentally and emotionally. When you begin loving and caring for your body, you are also positively influencing your mental health.  a) Eating and sleeping well is important in maintaining well-being and warding off illness. That means choosing healthy foods and getting adequate sleep (6 to 8 hours) every night. b) Exercising regularly has a positive impact on overall health because exercise decreases cortisol (stress hormone) in your body.

2. Embrace Self-Compassion When you acknowledge your mistakes and accept your imperfections with kindness and
without judgment, you exhibit self-compassion.

3. Self-kindness: feeling kindness toward ourselves rather than judgment, criticism, or shame. This involves recognizing we are part of a common humanity and that everyone makes
mistakes rather than viewing ourselves as isolated beings unworthy of love. Instead view
mistakes mindfully by having perspective and not over-identifying with our failings.

4. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People
when we are jealous of our friend’s good fortune or feel we are lacking, it’s hard not to feel down. Social comparison and competition can cause stress. Comparison and competition,
more often than not, may diminish us by causing stress, anxiety, guilt, and shame. Frequently checking social media can affect our mental health. We judge ourselves more
harshly and don't feel good enough.

5. Forgive Yourself Cultivate ways to stop self-loathing. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and find ways
to heal. To incorporate self-love in your daily life, don’t ponder over mistakes and regrets. Rather than blame yourself turn to self-forgiveness.

6. Surround Yourself With Supportive, Loving People Having social support is critical. You could reach out to receive your family’s love and invest
in relationships with your friends and community and allow yourself to receive care and support from them. Let go of toxic, draining one-way friendships. Bolster yourself with healthy interactions and
people who believe in you, champion you, and support you in becoming more of who you are and want to be. Invest your time, energy, and care in platonic and romantic relationships that support, energize, and restore you.

Change a Negative Mindset Positive thinking means choosing to have a positive outlook as an approach to life that includes gratitude and possibilities. Holding onto and fixating on anger and hatred can be damaging to our mental and emotional well-being and positive thinking is an act of self-love and care as we address the root cause. Say kind words to yourself. Positive affirmations boost self-esteem and reduce social fears. Remind yourself that you’re a kind person. By changing your perspective and focusing on things that you are grateful for and appreciative of can be uplifting and is another way to practice self-love. Reasons Being Single Can Be an Excellent Option One-third of adults are single, some by choice and some involuntarily so. Being single affords people the time and energy they might not otherwise have. Singlehood allows people to control how they live their lives. Singlehood can protect people from the problems and pains of being in a relationship. Cultural norms generally favour partnering. As single people know, the world is full of structures (will it be a table for two?) and stereotypes (something must be wrong with them) that suggest singlehood is less desirable than being in a relationship. But is singlehood really that bad? Could singlehood have benefits that make it not only desirable but preferable to being in a committed relationship? Singlehood Is Common and Diverse According to Pew Research Center (2023), about 30 percent of American adults are single.

The statistic varies by age, with nearly half of young adults (18-29) identifying as single, a group comprised of more men (63 percent) than women (34 percent). Only about 20 percent of people ages 30-49 are single, but this percentage climbs with age. Twenty-nine percent of adults 50-64 are single, and 33 percent of adults older than 65 identify as single. Altogether, these numbers support the idea that singlehood is common. Single people may share the status of being unpartnered, but they are diverse. Some people are single voluntarily, while others would rather be in a relationship. In addition, some are single
only temporarily, while others have singlehood as a permanent status. In the same way some people are happy in their relationships and others are not, people vary in the extent to which they flourish as single, unpartnered individuals.

Singlehood Offers Important Life Benefits Whether by choice or circumstance, singlehood comes with opportunities that can make it appealing. The benefits include the following:

1. You have more time, and you can use it the way you want. Maintaining a romantic relationship is a major time investment. Singlehood allows people the chance to use their time as they wish and to pursue their own interests with flexibility.

2. You can focus. We often want to improve ourselves, making the chance to focus a benefit of being single. Personal growth, career or otherwise, can be enhanced by the opportunity to streamline your focus. For some people, singlehood is desirable because it supports the focus they need to pursue important goals.

3. You are in charge of you. Remember, relationships require compromise and adjusting to a partner's needs. When you're single, there is no need to check in or report on what you're doing. If you suddenly decide to work until midnight, order take-out, or binge-watch a new series, you can, with no accommodations and no apologies. For some, singlehood is desirable because you're the one in charge; no one else is making demands or telling you what to do.

4. You are not getting hurt. Breakups are painful. One advantage of stable singlehood that you can avoid the emotional upheaval generated by ending a relationship.

5. You are balanced. The finding and forming of relationships can be an emotional rollercoaster, and once formed, there can be challenges that cause stress and any number of problems that can pop up any moment. Singlehood allows for a steady, peaceful existence.

6. You are calm. For some, a primary appeal of singlehood is the chance to avoid the fighting and arguing that might come with romantic relationships. No one is giving you the silent treatment or offering unwelcomed criticism. Better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship that's fraught with tension and stress.

7. You can see whomever you want. Being single allows people to flirt and date to the extent when they want to. This social and sexual freedom is not exclusive to singlehood, making the freedom to have casual relationships a standout feature for some people who prefer being single. 8. You can use your resources as you want to. Time and energy are limited resources. Single people can choose how they want to spend their energy with more freedom than people in relationships. They have fewer responsibilities, do not need to take care of someone else, and do not need to spend energy managing a relationship or dealing with a romantic partner's problems. 9. You are excused from undesirable activities. A significant advantage of singlehood is the ability not to do things that you don't want to do... things you might need to do to keep peace in a relationship. For example: forget a partner's high school/college reunion, another evening with your partner's friends or your partner's annual family

Helen Pearman Ziral, PhD is a purpose driven coach and facilitator whose work is centered around personal transformation and wellness. She assists women in uncovering their true essence and to shine as the person they are meant to be. Dr Helen Z has conducted individual and group coaching sessions and workshops about achieving the balance essential to multiple dimensions of wellness. https://drhelenz.com