When Pain & Suffering Accompany Your Journey

Content advisory: This article contains sensitive content that may be upsetting to some. The information in this article is not a replacement for accessing professional assessment and care, counseling or crisis resources or attending a hospital emergency department. This information is intended solely as educational and philosophical in nature.

Amid our existential existence, at times, pain and suffering of adversity accompany us. Pain and suffering are a human inevitability, a time whereby the vulnerability of our humanness may throw us in immense angst and even in deep trenches of meaninglessness for a time. Nevertheless, pain and suffering, alike any other experience, offer opportunity for self-reflection and self-knowledge or self-discovery, for acting to nurture and reconcile the wounded needs of our inner truths, and thus for growth, empowerment and a kind of spiritual transformation. A chance that we may choose to accept and face rather than turn away from for the purposes of attaining compassionate self-understanding throughout all experiences of our humanness, making informed, congruent and intentional choices for ourselves accordingly and living in alignment with our inner truths - all supporting meaning in our existence.

Pain and suffering may be experienced as enormously overwhelming at times. Regular application of wellbeing oriented coping activities and resources not only support our daily existence but additionally support through times of hardship. Regular practice of self-compassion and a wide array of applied activities may continually nurture one’s wellbeing - and additionally serve to circumvent or minimize the possible accumulative and progressive negative influence of stress - and may additionally be applied during one’s most difficult times: Practicing mindfulness and/or journaling to cultivate and maintain one’s self-awareness and thus to guide one to action to intentionally fulfill recognized needs accordingly; obtaining healthy sleep quality and sufficient nutrition and hydration/water; engaging in grounding activities (that incorporate present and concentrated attention to what we see, hear, smell, touch, taste at any given time); supporting emotional regulation via mind-body and other activities (i.e., trauma informed yoga or meditation, listening to calming music); applying a constructive philosophy (i.e., viewing hardship as a transient and potentially learning and growth promoting opportunity); shifting pessimistic thoughts to more constructive thoughts; engaging in creative endeavors (i.e., drawing, coloring, painting, playing an instrument); exercising or movement (i.e., walking in nature, dancing); engaging in spiritual practice (non-faith or faith based); and/or reaching out to and connecting with supportive, non-judgmental others. The more such activities are integrated into our daily lives, the sturdier balance and resilience we construct that may assist us through those difficult times of pain and suffering of any intensity.

Effort to manage distressing or overwhelming pain and suffering at times has resorted to one externalizing the hurt and pain onto the body such as via non-suicidal intended self-injury - although physical safety may be unintentionally jeopardized during particular acts - or even through thoughts of self-annihilation or suicide ideation. Non-suicidal intended self-injury may be perceived as a deliberate externalized form of coping in context of pain and suffering. Thoughts of self-annihilation or suicide ideation involve consideration of final means to end pain and suffering.

Non-suicidal self-injury and suicide ideation may influence confusion, discomfort, anxiety, aversion, fright, shame and anger for both persons living and struggling with these experiences and for their supporters and may leave anyone to furthermore experience a sense of helplessness and/or powerlessness. However, viewing non-suicidal self-injury or suicide ideation as something separate and apart from hurt, struggle and as intended means to manage pain and suffering or via a value laden lens without contextual understanding (i.e., the meanings embedded in such engagement), leads to disconnection for and with the one hurting and the reinforcement of silence and secrecy of pain and suffering. When we approach such sensitive matters as attuned and present with compassionate, strength-based inquiry/curiosity to understand (not to judge) and when we listen to hear the narrative of the hurt, struggle, resiliency and management of pain and suffering, the pain and suffering may be conversed/shared and validated, support may be accepted and self-compassionate coping may be incorporated to replace the motivations, functions and reinforcers of alternate coping.

Within the safety of a compassionate discussion, one may choose to commence engagement in compassionate self-understanding, self-connection, self-love and self-caring activities - i.e., as mentioned previously, although clearly not an exhaustive list of well-being activities - that alternatively positively replace the motives, functions and reinforcers of non-suicidal self-injury and suicide ideation.

Understanding and connecting with one’s self and experiences within an affirming compassionate lens and shifting management of to compassionately coping with pain and suffering, may permit the tears to flow, may gently relieve the layers of pain and suffering and may only strengthen and empower one’s resilience and assist one to peacefully overcome and grow from adversity.

There are numerous activities that may support compassionate self-understanding, self-care of needs, centeredness and safety during times of adversity:

1. Acknowledge and honor your unconditional self-worth.

2. Symbolically make an appointment and sit down with pain and suffering as it arises for a compassionate meaningful dialogue or inquiry. Carefully listen - not judge - to your thoughts, feelings, body sensations and behavior as it grants information to you during your experience with pain and suffering.

Thereafter, with loving inquisitiveness, ask yourself: When and where did pain and suffering join me? What invited pain and suffering to accompany me? What is the message that pain and suffering is sharing with me about myself? What helps me to co-exist with pain and suffering most comfortably? What is different about the times when pain and suffering do not accompany me? What assists to ease or eliminate pain and suffering’s company, even for a short duration? You may start a journal including your inner or even outer dialogue with pain and suffering - with reflective questions as mentioned above - to assist with self-exploration and learning about yourself from pain and suffering, coping activities and growth.

3. Identify vulnerabilities or possible source(s) or trigger(s) of pain and suffering: Cognitive (i.e., self-critical, pessimistic thoughts, adverse memories); emotional (i.e., numbness, irritability, humiliation, shame, anxiety, hurt, sadness, fear, anger); behavioral (i.e., restlessness, isolating, interactional changes); social (i.e., interpersonal hurt, loss); situational (i.e., interpersonal conflict, academic issues, employment issues, finances); and environmental (i.e., setting) sources. Consider ways you may reduce the intensity of or problem-solve with any of the upsetting sources.

4. Consider what someone else may notice when you are becoming more upset. Consider changes in the quality of your sleep, appetite, energy, motivation, attention, memory or mood, sociability, performance at school or work that may be indicative of you heading downward. Consider what activities would assist you to improve any such circumstances.

5. Be aware of and reduce or eliminate where possible stressors as they arise.

6. Consider activities that you naturally gravitate to and that assist you to communicate/express and relieve your upset, feel calm and grounded, positively distract or evoke pleasure. You may consider the source of your upset at the time - i.e., negative self-talk - and find an activity - i.e., writing/reading a list consisting of your positive attributes, accomplishments - that settles the source of upset.

7. Identify and participate in activities that provide you with sense of purpose, meaning and hope. This may include passionate activity, meaningful relations, volunteering, academic success, employment success and/or goals and aspirations for the future for example. As Friedrich Nietzsche noted, one “who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

8. Identify a positive (non-judgmental), supportive social network (include their names and telephone numbers on a list readily available for you to contact as needed), people who accept you unconditionally, listen without judgment and validate and believe in and support you. Consider who you feel safe to talk to or even hang out with, what support from another person looks like for you during difficult times and communicating this to close others. At any time, if you are wanting to access professional support, you may seek options for counseling in your locality that may be offered via in-person or online. If uncertain how to find counselling options, you may contact your Employee Assistance Program (if available) via your employer, a community health centre in your area, Psychologists Association in your province or inquire with your family physician.

9. Secure your environment. Secure items that may be used in unsafe manner when struggling with pain and suffering.

10. Crisis Resources: Make a list incorporating the name and telephone numbers of local, provincial and national (Talk Suicide 1-833-456-4566) crisis resources in Canada that may be contacted at any time. Include 9-1-1 or other national emergency number for contact for emergency circumstances (i.e., if shall be needing ambulance, police) and awareness of hospital emergency department to attend in context of thoughts/risk to harm self or experiencing a medical emergency.

May unconditional and responsive love accompany you with warmth and light in the coldest and darkest moments in life’s journey!