Growing up as a child of divorced parents wasn’t easy.
Abandonment issues, insecurities, fear, anxiety, self doubt, feelings of being unloved, blaming yourself. Not knowing what could happen to you or your future. Feeling scared, confused, alone and isolated. Having to grow up fast and missing out as a child.
That was me - the little girl who was trying to survive.
Did you have all those feelings and issues growing up? Were your parents to strict? Were you a child of constant physical, emotional, or sexual abuse? Did you feel like a victim of ongoing child abuse? Your parents argued all the time and your father was an alcoholic. Feeling like life isn’t fair. Wishing for the day to come so you can leave home. But when that day finally comes, you end up caring all the baggage and try to live a normal life.
Does any of that sound familiar? If you had similar experiences, you may feel stuck, or repeat the same behaviour patterns because of your past upbringing. Well, there is help, you can take control of your future and you can overcome the past.
My name is Patricia Lavigne, and I am a child of divorced parents.
I’m sure some of you will have similar experiences or can relate to my life.
Don’t get me wrong. My life isn't perfect, and I still have moments of my past haunting me.
I’ve come along way; I’ve learned a lot, and I work with clients and help them get through the similar difficulties I had to face.
It’s important not to get stuck in life. Not be a victim of past circumstance.
Life doesn’t have to be difficult.
There will always be changes in your life, it's how you deal with them that matters.
Sometimes life will get difficult and sometimes it will be easy.
I believe we all choices, we can stay stuck or choose to do something to change it. Do you always want to be a victim of your past or would you prefer to choose happiness?
Ask yourself: Who am I? Am I the best version of myself? Am I happy of who I am?
I had to create the person I wanted to become. My parents were not the role models to look up to and or nor do I want them to be. I am my own creator.
I enjoy my peace and happiness I created for myself. I’m not perfect! I accept who I am and my imperfections.
It took me years to get to where I am today. It’s been a working progress of putting the past behind me and always looking for new opportunities to grow.
You can do it too! I offer my clients the tools to work through life experiences, gain wisdom, and knowledge.
Start by going through the grieving process, getting all the emotions out, dealing with the stress and the impact of your life.
Getting to know who you really are and discovering your fun side.
Facing those challenges and to work through your struggles.
Be the best version of yourself
I believe in working through the steps to help you overcome your past and move forward with your life. GIVING UP is not an option. Moving forward is the best recipe in life.
No matter what challenges I had to face I always kept moving forward even if it was baby steps. I believe my success in life was my internal drive not to give up and to prove to myself I can do this.
We all experience obstacles, pain and challenges in life. I made many mistakes to get where I am, but they were all worth learning from. I know you all have suffered similar situations from childhood drama, marriage breakup, losing friends, career challenges, self doubt, and most of all been too hard on yourself.
I get it. I've been there too and that is why I became a Separation & Divorce Coach to help and guide people and tell you no matter what you face in life you can make good things happen. You get to choose your destiny.
With my life experiences, skills and knowledge I have helped people take control of you’re their life and create the best version of themselves.
Take my experiences and use them to help you work through your own pain and struggles. Make it happen and not allow yourself to be stuck or a victim.
Creating a New Mindset
Part of making positive changes you need to start with a new mindset in life. If you create a negative attitude, you will not be in a place to make a positive change.
Everybody has issues, problems, doubts, fears, and some people are just more positive than others. Saying you want to make a change is one thing, but in order to make it happen you have to apply yourself and take action.
When I coach my clients, I use the word “ACTION” a lot. I believe if you want to achieve a goal you have to take ACTION.
If you change your attitude to a positive mindset, you can get results.
I know that some days you won’t feel positive or want to ACTION your steps. But by taking it one day at a time you can get there.
It took me till I reached 60 to get to where I felt the most peace and happiness. I learned nothing comes to you. I learned everything takes hard work to reach your goal. It takes time to get there but it’s not a race. It’s your life.
The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking.
We all have barriers to breakdown. Some of those barriers can be as simple of believing that your life will not change and accepting things the way it is.
Another barrier is not wanting to believe that life can be better. You lived in so much negativity or failed in everything you tried to do. The hope of being happy is gone.
You can’t succeed if you don’t try. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.
I use the example of a person who is overweight. It can take them years to lose the weight and the biggest challenges is keeping it off. My niece was close to 300 lbs. It took her a year to get to her goal weight but that wasn’t the hard part. She still has to continue to take control of her eating and exercise to maintain the weight.
Change your mindset and look to make changes in your life rather than find excuses or being the victim of the past. If you’re willing to put the work into it and go through the pain before you reach your goal, then I say take on this challenge.
I always say there is always a workable solution. You might not like the solution at the time but everything in life can be worked out.
When you have the right attitude or mindset things will change.
Another thing I always say is once we become adults our parents are no longer responsible for our future. You are in control of your life and your destiny. No one is to blame but yourself because you can do the work to change it. You can make it happen. You are in the driver's seat. If you want happiness, then create it.
How bad do you want it?
One of the biggest challenges you face is breaking down the barriers.
There are many barriers you will face. Some will be your past experiences. The difficulties you had or the feelings it created. It creates the barriers that prevent you from moving forward.
It puts you in a state of giving up, settle, accept less than what you deserve or never put yourself first. You start doubting yourself. Afraid to screw up.
Reaching out for help is not a weakness it’s a strength or start by forgiving yourself or admitting your not perfect is the biggest step towards a new life.
Believing in Yourself
After years of building my life, I created a foundation. I discovered who I am by my values, morals, integrity, and honesty. No matter how bad my life was or what people did to me I always learned to pick myself up and move on. I always stayed true to my authenticity.
I’m not saying it was easy some obstacles took longer than others to work through, but I knew it would be a matter of time before I move forward.
No matter how hard life can be, you can put yourself back together and either become stronger than you were before or learn a hard lesson.
No matter how many times I was broken, I “never give up.”
Look at your mistakes as a lesson learned not a punishment. Learn to forgive yourself first. Don’t let life barriers stop you from having peace and happiness.
Learning to accept the circumstances and adapt to the lifestyle. Don’t wait for someone else to give you happiness or fix your problems. Take your life in your own hands and make the changes you want to see happen.
When you start seeing or experiencing small successes you will want to keep moving forward.
Life doesn’t have to be hard.
Things will always work itself out. It always does.
You can do this, its your life, your career, your relationship, your body, your new chapter in your life.
All you have to do is start by having the right mindset and the courage to take the first step.
You got this. Let’s take the first step together.